APRIL FOOLS: AFTER 15 MINUTES YOU ARE LEGALLY ALLOWED TO LEAVE
Laura Alyssa Platé
Apr. 1, 2019
After scouring the documents that set up the foundation for the great U S of A, the RawrXD is proud to announce that it has uncovered legal documentation backing up students right to leave class if their professor does not show up within 15 minutes of class beginning.
Throughout the years, there have been many rumors that have circulated college campuses across the United States and abroad. The most contested by university officials has been the “15 Minute Rule.” For those readers who have been living under a rock for the entirety of their lives, the 15 Minute Rule states that “If a professor fails to show up within the first 15 minutes of class, class is canceled.”
It is in fact a law that college students are to be protected by the full force of the United States military in the event that their professor does not show up and they leave. There is more good news where that came from, however. If the professor teaching the class has not yet received their doctorate, students are only required to wait 10 minutes before class is canceled.
“I think it is absolutely fantastic that the latest group of meddling kids has found the truth about this law, and it’s about time we start enforcing it,” said outgoing Chair of the Mass Communications Department, Joe Dennis. “To compensate for lost time, I can say with 83% certainty that I will be 15 minutes late to class at least once a week for the rest of the semester. It’s not like professors want to go to their 8 a.m. classes either.”
Naturally, the administrations at most colleges and universities want to keep this little known legislation under wraps because the knowledge of such a rule could incentivize students to curtail their professors from getting to class on time. However there is a lengthy history to the 15 Minute Rule. The RawrXD has uncovered Alexander Hamilton’s long thought lost 52nd Federalist Paper which outlines the constitutionality of such a law.
“It has been frequently remarked, that it seems to have been reserved to the people of this country, by their conduct and example, to decide the important question, whether students should be forced to sit idly by while professors sip their tea on the veranda and be forever destined to depend, for their political constitutions, on whim and force of authority, or if they shall be allowed to exercise their God given right to leave after 15 minutes,” Hamilton wrote in Federalist Paper #86.
While this is decidedly the best news to cross the path of college students since Betsy Devos accidentally backed a bill that held her liable for all debt accumulated by undergraduates, it has put a damper on campaign promises being made by presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders. When we reached out, Sanders declined to comment. Later President Trump tweeted a warning to those who doubt the laws authority and admiration for the RawrXD staff who dutifully uncovered the truth.